I know I missed July

...And I'm a bad person 'cause I ruined my months streak. But I was super busy with my new grown-up job. Tonight's been a really bad night for me, just dwelling on the past year and on all kinds of negative emotions. And listening to this song that I hadn't heard except for on the radio over and over and over and over.

"And I am here still waiting,
Though I still have my doubts.
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out..."

"I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way,
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay..."

- Lifehouse

Obsessing over this guy right now...

In the stress and heartbreak, the pride and the triumphs...

"I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it,
That's part of it all, part of the beauty of
falling in love with you, is the fear you won't fall..."

"And I know it's easy to say, but its harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could,
I can't get my mind off of you..."

- Joshua Radin

I fell asleep to this song last night...

And it was the most at peace I'd been all day. This is an absolutely stunning versions of one of my favorite songs of all time. I want to listen to this all the time, even though it's sad, because it's just that beautiful and the words are hard but true.

Major kudo's to Lee for his American Idol win, for the thing with the pick that made Katharine fall for him, and just for being Lee.

"Maybe there's a god above,

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

Well it's not a cry that you hear at night,

It's not someone who has seen the light,

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..."

- Lee DeWyze

A song I found hidden on my hard drive...

"We dance upon the street we call pretend,
But I can’t shake the feeling I don’t want this to end.
I can read you like the map that takes you anywhere,
So pick the place and take me there..."

"All I can see are the best parts of you and me.
All I can ask, "will you take me somewhere?""

- Mae

First part brings to mind something wholly different from the second part. Graduation and someone. Have a hard time thinking about both most days.

This has to be posted as graduation nears...

It's a song that everyone remembers and one that I come back to and listen to often. I've always loved it and it means more every day closer to May 16th.

"But trust me, in twenty years you’ll look back at photos of yourself

And recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you..."

"Don’t waste your time on jealousy;

Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.

The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself..."

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,

The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives

Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t..."

"Understand that friends come and go, except for the precious few you should hold on to.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,

The more you need the people you knew when you were young..."

- Baz Luhrmann

One month to go...

And sometime I can't breathe trying to think about it. I'm not ready to leave. I told Tallie that I thought by leaving this place, this school, I would be leaving a part of myself here. She gave me the optimistic version and said I would be taking Bryn Mawr with me wherever I go. Either way, it's going to be hard to let go of the school and even hard to let go of the people I met here. I don't let myself think about it much and it doesn't get brought up in conversations among my friends and I. I've never heard this song before, but it came on my Pandora tonight and it comforted me.

"And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see,
And though I'm finally catching onto it,
And now the past is just a conduit,
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be..."
- Reliant K

Drenched in vanilla twilight...

I fell hard for this song over Spring Break. My last Spring Break. Thinking a lot, I guess.

"But drenched in vanilla twilight

I'll sit on the front porch all night,

Waist deep in thought because when I think of you

I don't feel so alone..."

"And I'll forget the world that I knew,

But I swear I won't forget you..."

- Owl City

I am still painting flowers for you...

This is a song by one of my favorite bands in the whole world and I hadn't heard it until last night when my best friend sent it to me. Since then, I have listened to it approximately 3485093485304958 times. And these lyrics make me smile and make me feel better about life.

"I want to see your face and know I made it home..."

- All Time Low

For Katharine...

Because this is our song, of course. For serenading me in Acme.

"We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt
The one you lost
I couldn't get enough

You were everything
That's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed....
Black and blue
But you know
I'd do it all again for you..."

- We The Kings

I'm just crushed without you in the LLC, you know. Which is why I am listening to GrooveShark and posting excessive numbers of blog posts, obviously.

This is fitting...

That this is the 100th post on this blog. This is a song that I have absolutely fallen for in the past few weeks. Unfortunately, it's much more about the vocals than it is about the lyrics, but I'm attached to the lyrics too. As much as I don't want to admit a connection to them being that they're so sad. But it's true.

"I made a mess of things
The stops and in betweens
They weigh me down
You got someone new singing you your songs now

Sooner surrender
Then watch the last wall collapse
And sooner surrender
And our love will count for everything..."

- Matt Nathanson

This came up on my Pandora tonight...

And the lyrics just broke me down. They're not a band I really enjoy, but this is just beautiful.

"I miss all the little things,
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me..."

"So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you..."

- Lifehouse

My favorite new song...

From a band that shows up on here a lot. They're an old favorite, unappreciated, and have some lyrical gems if you pay close attention.

"I said

'Hey you, this is me.

The idealists inside that holds your love on a string

Wound and tied like kites to all your hopes and dreams..."

"Surrounded by on equals sides the same routine,

Becoming what you swore you'd never be..."

- The Academy Is...

Finally, the take-away message of this song for me and for this moment in my life...

"Take a breath and ask yourself what matters."

- The Academy Is...

We made our mistakes but we followed our hearts...

Okay so cut to a late night at Target with Julie over break. I was interested in some impulse CD shopping and Target with it's cheap prices is totally the place to do it. Unfortunately, it's come to be that I can't really find CD's there anymore that I want desperately but don't already own. However, Julie's been playing me the new Every Avenue CD in the car. I'm not in love with it, but I am in love with one song, so I picked it. And here are the new words in my head. They're warming me up on these long winter days. As the quote goes, I learned that within me lay an invincible summer...

"The sun rise would be us to sleep

We didn't wanna go home so we slept on the beach...

Looking back we had everything,

Those were the days when we shared our dreams..."

- Every Avenue

It's just so young and naive and comforting and perfect. Those moments that feel like heaven. Moments you feel go fucking alive. Rare the older you get.